Caviar and Truffles

04. March, 2008 | by John Moroney |

A. Watch this:



Okay, Barbara Morgenstern is a genius.




B. Now then, to the meat. Today’s subject: Caviar and Truffles

So, today, and I’m not making this up, for lunch I dined on caviar and truffles. I am still clapping my hands and turning around in small circles in appreciation of how lucky I am. Insane, utterly decadent, there are no words for the taste of consuming the ethereal essence of the sea. Truffles? Holy crap, the corporeal body surging with immediate pre-release ecstasy. Oooohhhh, uuunnnhhhh, oooohhhhh . . . . Oh . . . God! Oh, GOD! OH! OH! FUCK!!! OH!!! UUUUnnnnhhhhh . . .

Then I had to deal with the rest of my day which, like any good post-hedonistic festival, involved sleeping. I woke up after a two hour nap (!), and had to go to the bar to earn my daily wage. I have never felt more like a frustrated Jesus, wanted to lay hands on all and lift them up to the glory that is the simple being of life. “It’s so much more than this!” I thought. “Please, I beg of you, look! LOOK!”

Apparently, I’m not the Messiah. No, the evening progressed with the same old slogging pace with which it always proceeds. Still, and I mean this honestly, I want to give motivational speeches to everyone who comes in. “LOOK!” I want to say. “Look at yourself! You’re so talented! You have so much energy! Look what your life could be like if you didn’t sit here eight hours a day! What do you dream about? What do you want to do? It’s all right there! Just go take it! I’ll help you!”

Truffles? No, a deep-seated desire to uplift. I know that success and happiness is the responsiblity of the individual, and I understand that the desire to live life as one sees fit is a deep-seated morality, but damn! some days I just want to grab people and shake them senseless! “You want something more!” I’d yell. “You know as well as I do there’s more than (hand motions disdainfully indicating the fetid shallowness of the bar) this!”

Ah, well . . . To each his own, I suppose. Still, it seems like such a God-damned pointless waste of all the potential that lies in humans to wallow in the day-to-day, to worry about the light bill, to mope over bad relationships, to agonize over the future WHEN IT’S COMPLETELY IN YOUR CONTROL.

I swear, in fewer than two weeks I’m going to be on late night TV pitching a system for achieving personal fulfillment.

What do you want? How can you get it? Plan it. Execute that plan.

Wow, was that hard?