Bitch Kitty Racing

Four weeks to go, people. This horrendous malaise that feels like space leeches have sapped your will is almost over. Unfortunately, now we’re in the darkest part of it, the crazy time. This is when the cumulative affects seem to be their worst.

I fucking hate February. Winter s almost over, but you still have to slog through the last little bits. I always feel worst in February, not depressed, but I have no desire to really do anything at all. And I’m irritable. Okay, that’s depression, but I assure you it’s not the mopey “woe is me” variety. This is just plan old sunlight deficiency.

So, for all you fucking douchebag “I’m here for the music and the outdoor sports” non-native Seattlites out there, what you’re feeling is normal. Well, maybe not normal, but everyone around you is feeling it, too. We of the Holy Order of Natives have been dealing with this problem for 150 years, and we have created a great solution for you: beer. Seattle is the birthplace of the microbrewery and the dingy-yet-cozy and comforting pub.

So here’s what you do: call someone, anyone, and invite them out for a beer. You need to be in human company and say things like, “Wow, it’s really incredibly dark outside,” to which your friend will reply, “I know! I know! Jesus, I can’t fucking take it anymore! I feel like I’m going crazy!” Then you can talk about how great the Superbowl was or something, but the simple fact that another human being understands what you’re going through can get you through another day.

Oh, and, for the record, all you fucking douchebag “I’m here for the music and the outdoor sports” non-native Seattlites out there (may Belltown, Fremont, Ballard, and now Capitol Hill fall on your heads an crush them to a bloody gelatinous pulp), this was a REALLY PLEASANT Winter here is Seattle. The rain and gray and dark has been kept to a minimum. It usually rains here for at least thirty days straight, and the clouds are so low that the only difference between night and day is that you’re not in your office anymore. This has been GORGEOUS.

Good luck, fuckheads!

P.S. Really, go to a bar!